All the art, poems or song lyrics on this page are the work of my best friend, Toni Donelow Stewart (1941-2004), copyright 2000 thru 2004 all rights reserved for the future benefit of her children, Bryan and Jeremy.

 Warrior Wolf by Toni Donelow Stewart     

(must come from having truckers in the family?  Hehe)

Sweet cantina in the sunset,

I’d die for just one more drink

I’m leaning on the bar too far

But I needed time to think.

I’m a redneck in the bar-room

And I’m quite the one to impress

But I ain’t seen nothing like you

Since I left the West.

Well I came to my decision

That I missed it all too much

But instead of a train, to come out this way

I climbed into my truck.

Sweet Cantina, it’s good to see ya

Sweet Cantina, my old friend

I’ve been a long time away and got lots to say

But I’ll save that for the end.

I was on the road with a heavy load

And I felt the past fly fast behind

Am I just an operator, or am I an instigator

To get to point B on time?

Sweet cantina in the sunset,

I’d die for just one more drink

I’m leaning on the bar too far

But I needed time to think.

I’m a redneck in the bar-room

And I’m quite the one to impress

But I ain’t seen nothing like you

Since I left the West.

Sweet Cantina, it’s good to see ya

Sweet Cantina, my old friend

I’ve been a long time away and got lots to say

But I’ll save that for the end.1/8/2004 6:10:11 AM

© Copyright 2004 By Toni Donelow Stewart

Old postcard favorite of Toni's

Written by Toni Donelow Stewart

Sleeping strangers in darkened rooms,

Shadows on the walls saying there is doom

I hold up my head and I cry out loud

And I wonder, what’s going down.

Slapped inside of a big cell block

Anger’s riding me bad

No telling me

What kind of drugs you’ve had

I’ve seen these four walls before

I been here twice,

Your best bet is not to go there tonight.

And love is the farthest thing away

There’s so much you find, you’ll never find again

You try so hard not to make the same mistake

War on the Peace Train

There’s War on the Peace Train…

The sun beats down upon the mighty clock

Listening for the keys in the big old locks,

It’s quarter to nine, I want to make my break

War on the Peace Train….

And it seems to be just too much

To fall from grace?

I wonder what it was that I never knew

Before I saw your face,

It seems to me, to be a grave mistake

To fall for your love just to feel your hate.

And love is the farthest thing away

There’s so much you find, you’ll never find again

You try so hard not to make the same mistake
War on the Peace Train

There’s War on the Peace Train…

By Toni Donelow Stewart

4/2/2003 11:46:03 PM

4/13/2003 12:10:28 PM rev

 Raptor Running by Toni Donelow Stewart

Run to Me

The candle burns to lead you through the dark of night

Like the lighthouse with the light is there on the shore when you are out to sea

I hope the lights you got wherever you are now will lead you back to me,

If it’s moonlight or sun, I hope you look with open eyes and run to me.

And the healing that will come will only make life feel so fine

I know I know I’m overly-optimistic but you know I’m real, all the time,

I’ve bled and I’ve burned in my own hell,

I’m looking for love…like everyone else

But I’d rather turn it all around and love you forever.

The candle burns to lead you through the dark of night

Like the lighthouse with the light is there on the shore when you out to sea

I hope the lights you got wherever you are now will lead you back to me,

If it’s moonlight or sun, I hope you look with open eyes and run to me.

(Unfinished; to be continued)

2/4/2004 1:37:22 AM

Together by Toni Donelow Stewart

Home With Me

Once I was lost, and you were there,

You found me so many times I had despaired

You lifted me up when you weren’t aware

I know I know now, you’re not even there

But all this life something should count,

All the time I couldn’t give out,

You held me back before I reached the end,

You are the One I wanted to be my Best Friend.

I cry now when I see your face every time

Or hear your name, in my own mind

I miss you so….

I miss you tonight….

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me—

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me--

It seems that Time would not allow us to hold our hearts too close together

It seems that life would not change the way I feel for all my life

And when I die, I will be gone forever….

I cry now when I see your face every time

Or hear your name, in my own mind

I miss you so….

I miss you tonight….

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me—

Life is such a stormy sea

I miss you I want you home with me--

Once I was lost and you were there,

You found me so many times I had despaired

You lifted me up when you weren’t even aware

I know I know now, you’re not even there

But all this life something should count,

All the time I couldn’t give out,

You held me back before I reached the end,

You are the One I wanted to be my Best Friend.

By Toni Donelow Stewart,
2/3/2004 11:18:24 PM

The Colors of Life

I can taste candy on your sweet lips,

I’ve got a rose from you in my hand,

The colors of life that I see in your eyes

Tell me, ohhhhh, tell me ohhhhh tell me more.

You melt me like chocolate,

And pour me like wine

It’s all in your kiss,

And the colors of life, that I see in your eyes.

Like a superhero in my eyes,

Though I’m happy just that you’re kind

The colors of life, that I see in your eyes,

Tell me why---, tell me, why--- tell me why ---

There ain’t nothing like this,

It’s all in your kiss

I’m getting my wish, now you’re mine.

There ain’t nothing like this

It’s all in your kiss

Every time.

One less Angel in Heaven,

Less Darkness on Earth

And you’re mine –

It’s all in your kiss, every time,

The colors of Life, I see in your eyes.

You melt me like chocolate,

And pour me like wine

It’s all in your kiss,

And the colors of life that I see in your eyes.

There ain’t nothing like this,

It’s all in your kiss

I’m getting my wish, now you’re mine.

There ain’t nothing like this

It’s all in your kiss

And you’re mine.

(first draft version 1/29/2004 12:58:46 AM)

Just Crazy

(If you think this is about you…it probably is!)

I think I’ve seen enough now please understand,

I’ve got more on my plate and more on my back

And I can’t….go looking for trouble like that,

I think it’s love but I’ve had enough,

I’ve had enough to last me a good century

You want nothing from me, you get nothing -- that’s all you need.

I was just crazy, I was only crazy about you

And now I’m still crazy without you,

I wasn’t only crazy about you, I was crazy

And I doubt you

Even care.

I was just crazy, I was just crazy

And you were never ever “there.”

I think I’ve seen enough now please understand,

I’ve got more than just my own life in my hands,

You go ahead and rip me, just rip me in half

I’ll pick up the pieces and carry them on my back,

I was just crazy, I was only crazy about you

And now I’m still crazy  without you,

I wasn’t only crazy about you, I was crazy

And I doubt you

Even care.

I was just crazy, I was just crazy

And you were never ever “there.”

I think I’ve seen enough now please understand,

I’ve got more on my plate and more on my back

And I can’t….go looking for trouble like that,

I think it’s love but I’ve had enough,

I’ve had enough to last me a good century

You want nothing from me, you get nothing -- that’s all you need.

By Toni Donelow Stewart

(Her first draft version and obviously her final, done 1/29/2004 1:14:47 AM)

Ancient Lighthouse by Toni Donelow Stewart

Clouds and Nightmares

I know every crack up on this ceiling,

And I’m old enough to use my middle name,

I’ve been known to uncover lies with a feeling,

And to figure out who’s to blame.

I’ve been over and over this

Like wearing an old red satin shoe,

I’ve been living my life for you.

I’ve traveled from sunset to sunset

I’ve looked at life

In my own special ways,

I’ve written my love on the clouds in my mind

And I’ve felt it in my nightmares, sometimes.

There is music in your laughter

And your heart is in your eyes

And I know every crack upon my ceiling

Because I can’t sleep and I can’t get you off my mind.

I’m not a hunter, and I’m oh so cold without you near

I’m feeling like I’m 100 years old in my dreams

Oh I have to go….for what it’s worth or what it means.

I’ll be far from here.

(unfinished)

By Toni Donelow Stewart

written 1/8/2004 5:51:38 AM

Toni in July, 2004, four months prior to her death

I Won’t Be Back

I sat on the edge of the river,

Holding the moonlight in my hands

It seems to me I still love you,

but you would not understand.

I’ve been looking at your face

In all the pictures in front of me,

And I’d like to tell you that I love you, but…

You do not love me that I can see---

That’s messed up, I’m getting out here fast

Like a thousand knives cutting a thousand times,

I love you but I won’t be back.

4:00 in the morning, and I leave my lights on

Whispering I love you but you’re gone,

I curl up inside my room, and I sleep alone,

Someday I might find you but you would not be home.

That’s messed up, I’m getting out here fast

Like a thousand knives cutting a thousand times,

I love you but I won’t be back.

If sanity’s saved for dreamers who’ve dreamt all of the dreams

Then what is life for those of us who are real?

I’ve been laughing like a hyena

Since the day you went away

I am trapped inside my feelings

Trying to find the words I cannot say.

ByToni Donelow Stewart

1/8/2004 3:50:52 AM

 "You need a pee-on" cartoon by Toni Donelow Stewart

Dangerline

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But it’s about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this way….

I’m fine, I’m fine,

I’m walking the dangerline

but I’m fine I must say.

It seems to me I’m carrying on despite you

Like a cannonball I’m still feeling the blast

But you ripped my heart I can’t find you

Oh yeah you know how to make those bad feelings last.

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But it’s about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this way….

I’m fine, I’m fine,

I’m walking the dangerline

but I’m fine I must say.

The chokehold that is “love” for you

Is about to come to it’s end

I’ve been one fool I know that

But it’s all in my head.

You’re a stranger and I’m a foreign land,

I don’t care what you said.

There ain’t no silver lining

On a cloud from a hurricane

And there ain’t no time to kick a horse

That is already dead.

You mighta been a silver lining

On some other rainy day

But it’s about time that I saw your crimes

And I headed out this way….

I’m fine, I’m fine,

I’m walking the dangerline

but I’m fine I must say.

1/8/2004 5:20:56 AM

Cheze Asleep by Toni Donelow Stewart

Glamour Kitty by Toni Donelow Stewart

Strange Dreams

Talk about them after midnight,

Is life really all that it seems?

(I wondered why the changes

and what do they mean to me?)

Talk about it, I have an amusing life

Dreaming strange dreams.

Living in a world of shadows

Since I withdrew into my-self,

Wishing I were more mellow

Wishing I were someone else.

Talk about it having strange dreams,

Like living lands and time and space

Talk about it, I have a strange life

But is life really all that it seems?

Dreaming strange dreams,

dreaming strange-strange dreams

Talk about it, I live a clean life

Living strange dreams, living strangely.

In the darkness I called out

And you weren't there

But I wanted to know you were alive

At that moment, felt you didn't care

In the darkness, I realized

I was alone just where I lay

Dreaming strange dreams about a strange life

Feeling more strangled by the day.

Talk it out now, having strange dreams

Talk about them after midnight -

Living clueless otherwise,

Talk about it having strange dreams

Like the strange world I come from

Is life all that it's cracked up to be?

I wonder,

Living a strange life,

Living strangely in strange dreams.

By Toni Donelow Stewart

0539P10052001

 
Blue Water Bridge in Port Huron, Michigan (town where Toni last called home)

If the Train Don't Stop at Nine

Seems that I was always wrong

And you were doing fine

And I might just get enough

If I make up my mind

But I surely don't know

If I'm really in love

If there's nothing coming from you

Anymore

(There is nothing I can do.)

I hope that you still love me,

I hope that I'm only blind

But I know that I will give up

If that train don't stop here at nine.

If that train don't stop at nine

Then I know there's just no way

You're coming back again

(You know that I can't beg)

So if that train don't stop at nine

(it always stops on time)

If that train don't stop at nine

You left me behind.

Circumstances? Maybe so.

“Just an ordinary man”

You say you're” nothing special”

But you wouldn't understand

What powers you held over me

Like lightning shocking a stormy sea

You were storming over me.

You took my heart away

Just as easily as you left with it

And if you're coming back again,

I wish you'd bring it with you

Like a locket on your chain.

Feel like there's no justice in the world

When I wake up in the morning

My eyes see the world only halfway (and feel the silence)

But I know that I'm not crying

Just mourning for another day.

By Toni Donelow Stewart

I'm not sure about this one.
  I think it's a drawing done on spec by Toni Donelow Stewart

From your Mountain

(unfinished…)

Surely I don't have to tell you

That I love you

And the ways I have left to tell you

Are not mine

For I've been to all of my greatest reaches

Within my power

And I'm running out of time.

There is no more reason for you to speak to me

From your mountain-side

I've put you on the highest “pedestal”

That is, closest to my heart,

But I can't do this anymore.

Cause I'm dying inside

And all I ever did was love you.

111900601p

© 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, All rights reserved.

 
 "Wishing" done in pencil 1987 by Toni Donelow Stewart

Pieces of the Flame

These chains that tie me down,

Tie me down to the ground…

And on this you know you can rely…

That as long as you're gone,

My life will feel wrong,

And I'll spend it all falling from the sky.

It's a painful earth I'm walking over,

My feet dragging crossed the ground

And I wake up to what is now over,

Always feeling that the Sun is going down.

No matter how hard I cry, I'd never wish to die,

But am always falling from the sky,

I should try, but I'm always feeling the same….

Broken pieces of, broken pieces of the flame.

By Toni Donelow Stewart

"Visit your zoo" spec (?) by Toni Donelow Stewart

The Light Upon My River

You are the light upon my river

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me,

Don't you know I feel you're in me,

You're the light upon my river of fear…

Seems I was looking all over and through the thunder

For someone who mystifies me the way you do

I was going to look forever,

And it's no wonder

Because I knew somewhere out there was you.

You are the light upon my river

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me

Don't ya know, I feel you're in me

You're the light upon my river of fear . . .

At a moment's notice you were at my window

And knocking down my doors

You were the one who was always kind and loving

Throughout all the madness

And someone I'd never known before -

And while my heart is tearing through me,

I want you to know it

I will love you forevermore.

You are the light upon my river,

You're the soul that makes me shiver

And I find myself drained of all the tears

You are the one who's always with me,

Don't you know, I feel you're in me

You're the light upon my river of fear . . .

By Toni Donelow Stewart,

0222A112900 updated

First of July  

You . . . will live forever in my soul

Like silent rides beneath

a sky lit by cool moonlight

In places--I no longer go

You will live forever in my feelings

Like a castle at the end of a long escapists road,

I stand here like a drifter now

Drifting through the dreams

circling forever in my soul,

With beating hearts and sweet  faint whispers

Fine words, now only faint echoes

You stole my heart away from me--

Your love came through despite the distance

Though I guess it's you who will never see?

The First of July . . .

I found you like a sweet surprise

Though I'd known you for awhile,

And now “just living” in the lonely days you left for me

When you left me behind . . .

I can't go on “waiting” here

Like a scarecrow

Solo between empty rows

In some far-off field you'll never visit

With a warmth

You will never know,

Still, I'll park my dreams there . . .

And I will mail you the key

Though I know in my heart,

that I'm not in your soul, forever

The way you'll live on inside of me. . .

By Toni Donelow Stewart

Fun Relaxing by Toni Donelow Stewart

Now I'm Going On Again

I've seen love, and I've seen love

And I've seen fire

I've seen the locks on the chains to earthly heaven

I've seen your face

I've seen you wild

I've seen you drained

I've mothered your inner-child

I've seen the life

I've seen the pain

And now I'm going on again

I've seen nothing that you ain't seen before

Just kept looking and  never shut the door

Never closed my eyes

I just dreamed of another time

When fantasy could come calling

Out from the deep winter's night

What is forever for?

I've seen love and I've seen love

And I've seen fire

I've seen the locks on the chains

To earthly heaven--

I've seen your face

I've seen you wild

I've seen you drained

I've seen looking so inspired

And I've seen enough

I've seen enough

And now I'm going on again.

I knocked on your door a little too long

And you know, I'm finally gone

Will you ever look back at me?

I've knocked on your heart, and you shut me out

And now I'm done,

Now I think I'm coming down.

© Copyright 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, all rights reserved.

1129000159A

Mysterious Lady by Toni Donelow Stewart

While You Believed in Nothing

Wishes were made for wishing

And I've just seen the lies I've been shattered with

Cause you were a big time liar

All the while a so-called friend

But I never wasted away, I never wasted a tear

Because I'm real

And you know I've got no fears

I'm not wrong for believing you!

How could I know, when my instincts tell me something's good

And you bring it all down so heavily-suddenly

Like a raging storm brought overhead

I guess I should've known the rest

But I believed in you, like I always do

I believed in you,

While you believed in nothing . . .

0212A112900

© copyright 2000 by Toni Donelow Stewart, all rights reserved.

Captives of the sea by Toni Donelow Stewart

Couldn't See It

Seems we laughed and then we'd cry

And sing in peace and loving spirits

And then we drowned and didn't know how to take it,

Like fools we just faked it,

And found ourselves on separate paths . . .

But now I know we should've listened

To the ones who really knew better

And found ourselves going down the right road you know…

For now , I'm crying for the peace we left behind

When we were summer lovers

And felt peace of mind

Even when it rained, and lacked the sun

We could find a world of things to dream of

It's over now, and I'm going slow

But I'm full of fears you know I never felt before

Like a season of only storms,

I'm passing through,

And finding myself looking for you---

Looking only, for you---

For years it seems I've been holding back

Not knowing the way

Though it's been only months

I find myself ashamed

That I couldn't see at the time,

I couldn't see-it

by Toni Donelow Stewart,

© Copyright 2000, all rights reserved.

 0234A112900 

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